


You're My Home

by rome_in_asia



Category: K-pop, The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 00:31:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18187529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rome_in_asia/pseuds/rome_in_asia
Summary: Falling out of love is just as easy as falling into love, but maybe it's worth a second chance.





	You're My Home

**[10 AM]**

  
"Where are you going?" Jacob asked, trying to mask his suspicion with a tone of interest. They had just barely gotten out of bed, still wearing Sangyeon's discarded polo from where he picked it off when he woke up to pee. He had returned to Sangyeon waking up slowly. They had shared a nice, slow, even romantic good morning kiss.

 

Jacob thought things were starting to get better.

 

"Work." Sangyeon was sipping his coffee quickly as he checked his phone, not even sparing Jacob a glance. He flitted around their kitchen, multi tasking typing on his phone, drinking coffee, cooking breakfast, and ignoring Jacob's stare.

 

"It's a Sunday. You don't work Sundays."

 

"Well, I do now."

 

Jacob pursed his lips.

 

"Breakfast's ready. I'll be back later." Sangyeon pocketed his phone. He was already in his smart suit, hair styled back and slacks pressed neatly to compliment his thick thighs. Sangyeon held Jacob's chin, tilting his head up gently to press their lips together.

 

And then he was gone.

 

And then, Jacob was alone in their apartment.

 

"Let's go out, then." he had called Kevin up, telling him what happened. Jacob didn't touch the french toast and devilled eggs Sangyeon had prepared; he opted to curl on their bed, back facing Sangyeon's side, and staring at the empty cream walls as Kevin talked on the phone.

 

"Where?" The blankets were bunched up on Sangyeon's side of the bed, maybe to simulate another being supposed to be there, maybe to provide Jacob with the comfort of a weight behind him, beside him on the bed. It wasn't working. It wasn't Sangyeon.

 

"Hmm... I don't know. Younghoon opened a new bar, do you want to visit?"

 

"Pick me up at 6?"

 

"Sure."

 

"Thanks, Binnie."

 

Then there was a sigh. Jacob waited for Kevin's sermon with a baited breath. He hated being told off like a child, but Kevin, his bestfriend, his platonic other half, he was always right. He knew Jacob like the back of his hand, more than Jacob knew himself. At the back of his mind, Jacob wondered why he didn't fall in love with Kevin instead.

 

Shit would have been easier.

 

"See you later, Cobbie."

 

Jacob hung up. There was no sermon today. Maybe Kevin knew he was just wasting his breath: after all, he has been repeating the same six words over and over and over again. He's not good for you anymore. He's not good for you anymore. He's not good for you anymore. He's not--

 

Jacob shut his eyes.

 

Maybe, maybe he should just sleep.

 

 

  
**[5 PM]**

 

Jacob finished his make up, finally after an hour of struggling with lining his eyes. He had dressed like he used to dress on college nights: the skinny jeans and the leather jacket. They were still at the back of his closet years after graduation, just within reach... a physical remnant of a life long lost.

 

He was drinking water in the kitchen when Sangyeon arrived. Jacob paid him no mind, bending down to scratch at a stain on the floor tile.

 

"Going out?" Sangyeon asked, putting his briefcase down on the table, watching Jacob on the floor. "Again."

 

"With Kevin."

 

"Just Kevin?"

 

"Mhm." Jacob stood up, realizing Sangyeon's eyes were trained on his ass. "How was work? Was she fun today too?"

 

Sangyeon furrowed his eyebrows, then laughed. It was a direct attack and Jacob had absolutely no idea where he got the sudden heat from. The next thing he knew, he was being pressed against the wall and Sangyeon was pinning him there, holding his wrists on either side of his head, faces so close to each other.

 

Jacob could smell coffee. He could smell the ever present mint.

 

"I'm not cheating on you." Sangyeon said in a low growl, lips tracing Jacob's jaw, mouthing his words on the soft skin with intent. Jacob threw his head back, chest heaving as Sangyeon nipped at his throat, leaving marks on the cologne-stained skin for everyone to see. This is my man. _Mine_. Not yours.

 

"I never said you were." Jacob's wrists were finally released and he immediately threw his arms around Sangyeon's neck, pulling him closer. His lipbalm smeared on Sangyeon's lips as the older man lifted him up, letting Jacob hook his ankles behind Sangyeon's lower back. Sangyeon let out a hiss when Jacob fisted his hair, sinking his teeth on Jacob's shoulder.

 

"Don't go out." It was a soft whisper, a huge contrast to their rough actions. It was a sudden dark spot in the white noise, a clear wave amidst their silver static. Jacob hated, /hated/ how confusing everything had become in their relationship. They used to be picture perfect. They used to be the model couple. They used to be the parents.

 

What kind of role models were they now to their friends?

 

"Kevin's here." Jacob pulled away when the doorbell rang. He left Sangyeon in the kitchen, still leaning against whatever remnant of their relationship Jacob left him with, caging the shadow on an empty wall.

 

"Jesus Christ, Cob... you look like you've been mauled." Kevin's jaw dropped when Jacob yanked the door open.

 

"Give me a minute." Jacob made him sit on the sofa, then disappeared into the bedroom to freshen up. Sangyeon leaned against the kitchen doorway, looking at the back of Kevin's head. _Tick_ tock. Tick _tock_. It was more than a minute, Sangyeon noted. Or maybe it was because he was couting the seconds down.

 

Jacob emerged from their bedroom, the purple-red marks Sangyeon worked so hard on hidden so well under concealer and foundation.

 

"Don't wait up." Jacob pressed a kiss on his cheek, feathery, barely-there, did it even touch?

 

"Don't go." Sangyeon repeated, withering down to a plead as he grabbed for Jacob's hand, a last rope tethering him in place. Kevin looked away from the scene; he wasn't supposed to be witnessing this. He was only there to pick Jacob up. Kevin excused himself to wait by the patio. He was just a spectator, not an actor on stage.

 

"Go to sleep. You have work tomorrow, right?" were Jacob's parting words.

 

 

 

**[11 PM]**

 

Sangyeon was still sitting on the sofa, nursing a glass of warm milk, waiting. Waiting. Was this what Jacob does when he's working? Staring into empty space, staring at the framed photos on the coffee table? That one's during Sangyeon's graduation, when he asked Jacob out. That one's Jacob's graduation, when Sangyeon proposed.

 

Their group of friends.

 

More pictures of them together. Just the two of them.

 

What happened to them?

 

Sangyeon put his glass down, feeling nauseus all of the sudden. When did everything get so out of hand? Why wasn't Jacob back yet? Where did he go? Why didn't Sangyeon ask that earlier? Should he call Jacob?

 

Then Kevin was there, hauling Jacob along, bowing and apologizing to Sangyeon. Apparently, Jacob had drank too much in too short a time and passed out, having never been really good with handling alcohol. Sangyeon offered to drive Kevin home, but the younger declined, saying his hook up was waiting downstairs.

 

So it was Sangyeon and Jacob again, in their too big apartment that used to be just right. Sangyeon cleaned him up, carrying him as gently as he could towards their bedroom.

 

"I missed you." Jacob suddenly whispered, still shut-eyed. "You're always not here."

 

"Go to sleep, Cob." Sangyeon chastised. "Why did you go drinking if you can't handle yourself well?"

 

"The alcohol," the younger slurred, curling into a ball in Sangyeon's arms, "Makes me feel warm. Chases the cold away. Makes me feel like you're still around. Remember when your fiance was me and not the goddamned company?"

 

Sangyeon put him down on the bed. He didn't know what to say, so he just held Jacob's hand, watching the glint on the silver engagement band on their ring fingers. A promise. A dream turned into a burden. Maybe it was because they were too idealistic. Being young always made you feel like the stars are within reach.

 

But building a rocketship to reach them?

 

"I love you." Jacob whispered.

 

"I love you too."

 

Jacob opened his eyes, meeting Sangyeon's gaze. "I don't think you do. Not anymore, anyway." an icy pick shot through both of their hearts at the same time. "And I understand. I don't blame you or whatever... I just... yeah." he turned his back to him, facing the wall.

 

Facing the blank, cream wall.

 

Sangyeon turned the lights off and settled on his side of the bed.

 

"I do. I love you. I'm just... tired."

 

"...so am I."

 

 

  
**[3 AM]**

 

Jacob let the water pour around him, enjoying its warmth chasing his sins away. Somehow, the water burns at his neck and at the parts of his body marked by Sangyeon. His hands, his back, his chest. The gentle rain felt like a torrential storm on his skin.

 

He turned the temperature a little colder.

 

"Jacob? Why are you showering with the lights off?"

 

Sangyeon wandered in, muscle memory leading him right to the shower even in the darkness. He slid the glass door to one side and Jacob shuddered, buffeted by a sudden cold wind from their adjacent bedroom's airconditioner. Sangyeon slid behind him, pulling him close to his warm, muscled body.

 

"Are you still drunk?" he asked, turning the spray to cover a wider area, wetting them both effectively. Jacob shook his head, turning around in Sangyeon's hold to wrap his own arms around the taller's middle. "Jake?"

 

Jacob rested his head on Sangyeon's clavicle. "I'm sorry."

 

"I am too." Sangyeon whispered, almost lost in the thundering spray of water on the tiles around them. He let Jacob rest on him, reaching for the shampoo bottle on the corner shelf and squeezing some on his palm, massaging Jacob's head. "I'm sorry I'm not around much anymore."

 

"You have some fat now." Jacob noted, drowsy, poking Sangyeon's side.

 

"Is that bad?"

 

"No. I like it."

 

Sangyeon chuckled, rinsing them both. Jacob was heavily leaning on him by the time he was drying them with a towel, clinging to him like second skin. He made Jacob sit on the toilet as he dressed him in a random shirt Sangyeon pulled from the dresser and boxers, and Jacob was silent and compliant the entire time.

 

"What's wrong?" Sangyeon asked, putting boxers on himself and catching Jacob watching him.

 

"So many things... but it doesn't matter." Jacob looked down, at the tiled floor. Swirling patterns of green and turquiose looked grey and bland in the dimly lit room.

 

"It does." Sangyeon crouched down so their faces were level. "We've been having hate sex instead of talking shit out. I'm sorry." he gently held Jacob's face in his hands, making sure their gazes were locked. "Can we try? To fix this mess? Together?"

 

Jacob leaned in, pressing his lips against Sangyeon's. He didn't trust himself to do anything else; 'No.' was at the tip of his tongue, begging to be let out. _No_ , I'm tired. _No_ , we've had this conversation countless of times before. _No_ , I can't live without you but at this point I feel like I've already died.

 

"Let's go to bed."

 

He knows the cycle.

 

Wake up. Fight. Say sorry. Sex. Forgiveness. Repeat.

 

"Come with me to Japan next week." Jacob whispered, when Sangyeon had him in his arms under the warm comforter. "Urban shots. The director wants pictures of a busy city."

 

"Is Seoul not busy enough?"

 

Jacob struggled to hold his sigh in. He should have known it was coming-- Sangyeon wouldn't want to accompany him. Wouldn't want to leave work. Being home for a weekend was practically non-existent to him. And his absence... it made their home a mere house and Jacob attends to dying flames at its hearth.

 

"Have you booked a flight yet?" Sangyeon asked.

 

"No."

 

"I'll call Yuju later to book two seats. How about accomodation? Where are we staying?"

 

Jacob pushed himself up on his elbow, surprised. "We?"

 

Sangyeon pulled him back down into his embrace. "It's almost our fourth year anniversary." he said, carding through Jacob's damp hair. "Which city in Japan in particular? I'm thinking of Osaka. I know how much you love the outdoors, so we can stroll around the city in relative peace as it's not as busy as Tokyo. I also know of a hotel--"

 

Jacob couldn't remember the last time he prayed, but he did that night, as he laid on top of Sangyeon. He bore his soul and heart out, listening to Sangyeon talk about Japan and his plans for their anniversary, Jacob prayed. He prayed he would never wake up from this dream when Sangyeon was within his reach again.

 

 

  
**[11 AM]**

 

"Sangyeon, oh my god! Wake up, you're late to work!"

 

Jacob had been sleeping like the dead, the best sleep he's had so far. Their air conditioner had turned off in their sleep but the room was still cold and it was warm with Sangyeon under the thick covers. Jacob had sleepily reached for his phone under the pillow, blinking to wash the blur from his eyes, then woke up abruptly.

 

"Sangyeon." Jacob tried to wriggle out of the death grip his fiance had on his waist. "Sang-- babe. Babe, you have work!"

 

"I don't." Sangyeon groaned, bringing him closer. He still smelled like the shampoo they used early that morning, and Jacob had to keep himself from leaning in and closing his eyes as well. "Fuck the fucking company. I was going to fucking lose you."

 

Jacob paused. Sangyeon was still mostly asleep, though his eyebrows had furrowed slightly at the disturbance Jacob was causing.

 

Wake up. Fight. Say sorry. Sex. Forgiveness. Repeat.

 

Not anymore.

 

Sangyeon was still asleep and was not going to go to his company. Jacob slowly laid back down, relaxing very, very sluggishly. Sangyeon's heartbeat was steady and comforting, and he was warm. Jacob buried his head in Sangyeon's neck.

 

Their home was broken, there was no denying that.

 

"I'd rather lose that fucking company than hurt you again." Sangyeon muttered, probably still more asleep than awake. Jacob smiled onto his skin, pressing small kisses on Sangyeon's jaw. "You're the only one for me, Jake. If I lose you, I wouldn't ever know what to do."

 

Their home was broken, but broken things can be mended.

 

"I love you." Jacob mouthed near his ear. The world needed to hear him, and his entire world was right there in front of him. Scars may take long to heal, limits will be tested. "I love you so much."

 

"I love you too. I don't say it enough."

 

"I know."

 

"Yes, you do." Sangyeon smiled at him. Jacob smiled back, heart full. Soul full. Sangyeon pressed a kiss on his forehead. "You bring out all of me. My worst, my best. You have all of me."

 

Rebuilding may take time.

 

But they have all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed and have a great day :)
> 
> [twitter: @.juyeonieee]


End file.
